iFeel Loved
by ReddFlowerr
Summary: After the break up, Sam goes through a deep depression. Can Freddie put her heart back into place? M for language, violence, depressive&sexual themes, and lemons. Seddie/Crad!
1. A Pain That I'm Used To

**So! My second story ever! Let's see how this turns out...**

**This story is rated M for under-age drinking, swearing, violence, depressive themes, sexual themes, and lemons. You've been warned!**

**This story is also based off of Depeche Mode songs chapter wise. And title wise. iFeel Loved(I Feel Loved) is actually a Depeche Mode song. As well as all the chapters. (Special thanks to eleanorr1gby!) I'm gonna try and make this 40-60 chapters, with longer chapters each time. Tell me what you think of this! I really need the feedback! So review! I can't read your mind ;).**

_I love you..._

_I love you too._

_-_Sam-

...What just happened? Me and Freddie are breaking up, but we're stopped in the elevator kissing. My brain went dead. My body was thinking now.

I pulled him closer by grabbing his collar. He kissed me sweetly, and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt like a girl. Last time being our first kiss.

I'd gone so crazy about it that I had to make somebody up about it at first. But, that was just my girly side(that is nonexistent) thinking. After what I did to Freddie, I started realizing that there's more to him than just a nerd. He had feelings that deserved to be appreciated. So, I slowly began to appreciate him more. Even without him knowing. No, I was hellbent on never letting him know.

I mean, come on! I'm Sam Puckett! People would describe me as vicious, aggressive, and violent. Freddie even used to call me blonde-headed demon. Which, was funny the first time I heard it. But, when you're trying to gain a boy's attention, it weighs down on you.

Yeah, that's right. I hurt him, caused him mental pain, and put him in the hospital more than 5 times just to gain his affection. When he said that girls who constantly rip on a guy usually have a crush on him, he was right. I was doing that because I had a crush on him. But, it got deeper than that. A lot deeper. I started liking him, and before I knew it... My infatuation with him turned into love.

That night in the lock-in, when everybody thought I was in love with Brad, was the scariest night of my life. At that point, the goal was to not to let anybody know it was Freddie. But, it got out. When Freddie started talking serious about love at that moment outside... It just hit me. When he was saying those things, about it being 'scary to put your feelings out there', it just felt right. It felt like I had to do it. Before I knew it, my lips reached for his lips. And my mind tried so desperately to pull away, but my body wasn't having it. And for 12 seconds, my mind was in pure bliss. Until I finally pulled away to see the shocked look on his face.

So, after that, my body started taking things into it's own hands. I ran away, and I signed up for Troubled Waters Mental Hospital. The 3 days away from Freddie was absolute torture. It made my case even worse when I realized I needed to be with him everyday. I finally came to terms: I lost my mind. A long, long, time ago. And I was okay with that. As long as I lost my mind for him.

When he kissed me live on the web, I couldn't believe it. I really did think he was going to humiliate me in front of a million people. But, maybe while I was busy plotting my next move to get his attention, he had some hidden feelings for me too. But it just didn't make sense to me. I hurt him on a daily basis. How could he ever feel the same way about me? And why were we breaking up?

I pulled away from his kiss, and his chocolate eyes stared at me with confusion. "Why?" I asked out. I was going to ask a real question, but I guess my lips just wouldn't speak the rest. I thought the rest, sure. But, no. "Why what?" He asked as he lightly leaned me against the wall of the elevator. I bit my lip. "Why do you love me?"

He gulped. "I love you because you're you. Vicious, violent... but loveable at the same time." He kissed a trail along my neck, which made me moan. "You're everything to me. In just the right amount." His voice became lower. I couldn't react. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I could only feel how good he made me feel. I felt loved.

After midnight, we exited Carly's apartment. It's a good thing that she left for Brad's, because she probably would've kicked us out for being all 'love-sappy' and such. But we weren't saps! Her and Brad were! Spencer was... well, being Spencer. Somewhere.

We walked outside the door slowly, and were right outside Freddie's door. My stomach was literally twisting into a knot. I was so nervous, and I didn't understand why.

"Sam..." I looked up at him. "Yeah, nub?" He looked down to avoid my gaze. "I've thought about it for the past ten minutes but... Carly was right." Crack. "I think we should break up. For now at least." CRACK. "We were forcing something that wasn't there..." And now my heart's broken. "But I still love you." He still loved me. Pfft. I had hope! I hoped that we wouldn't have to break up! I had my doubts towards the break up! But he still decided to do this to me! I thought that... I thought that I knew him better than that.

When he was about to hug me, I pushed him away and ran for the stairs. I could hear him call out to me. "Sam! Come back!" He yelled out. But I ignored him.

I didn't know why I ran, or why I felt so heartbroken. I was the one who brought it up in the elevator. About us not 'clicking' like a couple usually would. And, I knew this was coming. I knew midnight was coming.

But, somewhere in the depths of my mind, for whatever reason, I could only feel one thing: Betrayal.

_All this running around_

_Well it's getting me down_

_Just give me a pain that I'm used to_

**;O! Okay! I hoped you liked it! I should be updating either tomorrow or day after, so check soon!**

**Oh, and heads up... next chapter might be very depressing. Hence the "depressive themes" at the top for the rating. ;) but! It's only temporary! Sam'll get over it :P.**

**Hate it? Love it? Review it!**


	2. Suffer Well

**ReddFlowerr here with an update for this story! ;). **

**Chaaaaaapter 2! Here we go!**

-Sam-

It's been 7 full days. I haven't been sleeping well, haven't been thinking straight, or eating for that matter... What was happening to me? Deep inside, I knew. But, on the outside, I'll remain oblivious.

I've skipped school all week just so I wouldn't see him. And, it's a good thing my mom was always out with her boyfriends, or she might've kicked me outta the house. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't feel this way. That it shouldn't affect me like it does.

But, all I can do is sit here and think. The only way I could possibly not be able to think was to dig in my mom's alcohol stash. It was the only thing that made me feel.

So, now, I'm sitting here. With a half-empty beer bottle in hand. My mind knew what I was doing was wrong, but it felt so good. It felt like I had nothing to be responsible over. And anybody would choose no responsibilities over more effort. Be honest with yourself.

I still didn't know why it was such a big deal to me. I knew the break up was coming. I knew that Freddie knew. So what was the problem? It was mutual. Or was it?

Neither of us really even wanted to break up. I KNEW that I didn't want to, and I knew that he didn't want to. He loved me. He kissed me like he meant it. He told me I was loveable. He made me feel like I was appreciated.

But, even still. I felt abandonment. I felt betrayal. I knew the feeling all to well...

My dad left mom, Melanie, and me all alone. He said he was coming back, but he never did. We still don't know what happened to him. Mom thinks he got stabbed while walking the street, or something. But I knew better.

People come and go. He left us for his own stupid, selfish reasons. Which brings me to another point, which I will make short and simple: People are stupid.

People often leave the people they love for something that won't even be there more than a month. Or however long. Loved ones are there forever in spirit, but if you leave them now, they'll be gone forever. Like how I kicked my dad out of my life. He deserved it though.

He abused my mom right in front of me. He hit her, he burned her, and he even raped her and made us watch. He was a sick man. He even hit me and Mel. But, I always took the downfall. Most of the time.

If he's dead, I'm glad. If he's not, and he's wandering the Earth somewhere, I couldn't care less. I'm just glad he's out of my life.

So, why do I feel the same way I felt when HE left? It doesn't make sense. It's not like Freddie hit me or abused me at any point. He's the sweetest nerd ever. He couldn't hurt a fly. And, he is NOTHING like my dad. I don't understand it... And Freddie didn't even leave.

He said he still loved me. And, we said that maybe one day we could try again. I just don't get it! I don't understand myself!

Over the week I haven't had contact with anybody. But, Freddie's called me 9 times, texted me 23 times, and left me 5 voice mails. I knew he really wanted to talk to me. But, I was scared he'd bring up that night in the elevator. I just couldn't bear it. I don't want to see him.

I admit that I'm overreacting, but at the same token, he's too good for me. I'm imperfect. I have so many imperfections that it would make your fucking head spin. I've had a screwed up family, screwed up life, an abusive father, a mother who gave me caffeine to make me 'dance', mental wars with myself, and the whole Freddie issue.

Freddie on the other hand, is absolute perfection. He was brought up in an ideal household. Unlike me. But, he only had a mom there. That mom happened to be super protective and on him ALL the time about his school and social lives. If he did anything wrong, she was always there to teach him right from wrong. He was morally accurate.

The main difference between me and him is: He was raised in a ideal child household, and I was raised in an abusive household.

I gazed down at my phone. Freddie had texted him twice in the last 30 minutes. I wasn't really paying attention due to being blasted off into space from the buzz of the beer. Which, I knew under-age drinking was illegal, but honestly... When has that ever stopped me before?

"ur scared arent u?" I read. I was. But no chance in hell I would ever tell anybody that. Especially him. I knew what he was trying to do, though. If someone asked me if I was scared, my mind abandoned me. I proved I wasn't scared.

So, unthinkingly, I pulled my phone keyboard out and texted: "no. quit being a nub." I added that last part to get to him. I knew it wasn't necessary. I got a text back. "Sam plz just talk to me." I sighed.

I really should talk to him. Just to get all the awkwardness out of the way. I seen him in a week, so I would get a little benefit with going to talk to him. Let's face it, Benson's gotten hot. And he's mama's boy. Nobody would ever lay a hand on him. If they did, I'd fuck their shit up.

Anyway... back on talking to him. I thought about texting him back, but didn't. I tried thinking of things I could say, but nothing came to mind. So, I sank back down onto my bed with some more beer. I'd drink my problems away. And, until then, I'm not seeing Freddie.

-Freddie-

Why won't she just talk to me? She's the one who brought the breaking up thing up! I'm so mad that my hands are literally shaking. And I can't do anything.

What the hell was she thinking? She hasn't showed up to school all week, she missed iCarly rehearsal AND iCarly live... And she hasn't even stolen any of Carly's ham. So, something's seriously wrong.

I don't even know what I did. I was just saying what we agreed on in the elevator. And, she just runs off. Just... what?

I texted her, which she finally texted back this time. But, still no signs of talking. I asked her to talk, but no. Really, I BEGGED her to talk. And still nothing. I just wish she would come out and face me already!

Agh, this girl will be the death of me.

_Where were you when I fell from grace?  
>A frozen heart, an empty space...<br>Something's changed, it's in your eyes.  
>Please don't speak, you'll only lie...<em>

**So! There you have it ;). Want a sneak peak for the next chapter? Well... here it goes.**

**ENCOUNTER!**

**Yep. Whaddya think of them apples? ;D!**

**So, I should be updating tomorrow or the day after. Hopefully you're picking up the drill by now ;). Please review!**


	3. Shake the Disease

**OKAY! So expect a longer chapter this time around. I did tell you I was going to gradually get them longer, didn't I? So, I'm starting here. Oh, and I'm sorry I haven't updated recently. I got the flu, so I've pretty much been bedridden for the past 5 days. So, you can probably imagine me not wanting to write on this :(. I was just trying to get better! I still am a bit sick, but I'm movin' around and kickin'! Oh! And I appreciate the people who have favorited this story! Makes me feel so proud :). But, still no reviews. Which makes me sad :(. Come on guys! I don't know what you think!**

**Well, I'm done babbling now. Enjoy. :)**

-Freddie-

This is the 8th day that we haven't seen her. I'm sitting on Carly's couch listening to Carly and Brad argue about it.

"It's all my fault! If her and Freddie walked down just a minute later, they'd still be together! Oh my god! I am such a horrible friend!" She said, falling into Brad's arms. These two are really complicated. They aren't together, but they want to be. At least, Brad wants to be. I know that for a fact. He's even asked me how to get out of the friend zone, and such. And yeah. It's pretty much game over if you get caught in Carly's friend zone. Trust me. I know from experience.

Of course, that was all just a cover up. At least after I met Sam through Carly. My crush quickly went to her. Her blonde curls, her blue eyes... and her aggression. It was all impossible to ignore. In fact, the minute I met her, she started calling me all the names I'm known as now. And we were only in 6th grade.

But, once we got into high school, things started changing. We had our first kiss together, after she embarrassed me live on the internet. She actually told everybody that I never kissed anybody! At first, I was angry and shocked. But, it slowly turned to curiosity and wonder.

Whenever Sam threatened anything, I would always ask myself, _would she really go that far?_ After that day, I always answer yes to that question. She would. Because she was unpredictable. But that was just how I liked her.

I know I said I hated her. I know I've said it over 500 times. But it was a lie. I hated some of the things she did, but I didn't hate her. I knew I was insane for thinking it, but I was falling in love with her. At first, I thought I was crazy. But everything she does is just so demonic and beautiful at the same time. And, frankly, I couldn't get enough of it.

I opened my laptop and started doing maintenance on the site. Carly walked up to me, holding Brad's wrist in a tight grip. "Freddie!"

I looked at her. "What?"

"Tell us again what happened. With all the smallest details!" She got worked up. Brad looked like he was freaking out. But not from this, from his situation. He just wanted to ask her out and she's dragging him through what I was 'falsely' going through.

"I already told you everything that happened. As detailed as I could get." She released her grip off of Brad. I did tell her everything that happened. I did the morning after Sam ran out of the apartment complex. Which I have no idea why she did. It was mutual... wasn't it?

"WAIT!" She shouted. Brad and I jumped. "WHAT?" We both shouted back.

Her eyes looked away. "Never mind." I got up.

"Never mind what? What is it?" I asked her. I went up to her to grab her shoulders, and I shook her. "Freddie! Stop!" She shoved my hands off. Well, I could've kept them there if I wanted, cause she wasn't strong like Sam, but still. I let her.

She took a deep breathe. Brad looked at her curiously, arching an eyebrow. I was just determined to get whatever idea or past knowledge Carly has in her mind out. "That's probably what's wrong. But she made me promise not to tell." I gulped. She was keeping secrets?

"You can tell us, Carly." Brad told her, putting a hand on her shoulder while she stared at the ground. I nodded. "Yeah. Please tell us."

She sighed. "But I ankle sweared..." We sighed with her. What are we gonna do now? Whenever they ankle swore, it was TOP SECRET. As in, classified government type of secret. Which was pretty top notch. Not even I knew all of the iCarly host and co-host's secrets. But, I knew what I had to do.

I headed to the door, waving my hand above my head. "Freddie! Where are you..." I heard Carly trail off. "Oh." She said, like she said oh for the can of soup.

I walked through my apartment to my room. I grabbed the car keys off of my desk and ran to the parking lot. Now, I was intent on finding out her secret. Whatever it was. And I was intent on seeing her.

-Sam-

"Hun, you can't keep yourself locked up forever." I heard my mom call through the hallway. I've locked my door, pretty much so she wouldn't find how much of her beer I've stolen.

I admit, I have problems. I won't even talk to Freddie. Not even Brad. And no, not Carly.

Carly is my best friend, but still, I had no doubt in my mind that if I escaped to visit her she would tell Freddie. And then Freddie would demand to see me, too. And I just wasn't having that. It's a dangerous game that I'm playing here, but it's what I'm willing to risk.

I finally decided to answer my mother. "Yes I can." I could. I really, really could. I heard her yawn and walk away.

I haven't seen my friends in 8 days. I haven't gone to school. I haven't eaten as much as I usually do. I haven't slept well. I've been drinking and getting hung over. I know what's gonna happen to me if I keep this up. But I just can't stop.

I needed to eat something, so I got up and headed for the door. But, I stopped when I heard my mom talking to someone. It sounded like she was on the phone. Either that, or she's going crazy and talking to herself. Which, I wouldn't doubt.

"Okay. I'll let her know. Thanks." I heard her footsteps coming towards my door. I opened the door, not caring if she saw the beer bottles. "Let me know what?"

She looked around my room, and I knew she saw them. But, I didn't care. She smirked. "So, that's where my stash has been going..." I arched an eyebrow. I'm surprised she didn't care. I mean, she's the adult. She drinks on a daily basis, before breakfast, and before dinner.

"What is it, mom?" I reminded her. She sighed. "Freddie's in the ER." I froze. I didn't blink, I didn't think. I just stood. But, I finally got the will to speak. "ER as in..." I trailed off. She nodded.

"ER as in the emergency room."

-Brad-

I'm SCREWED! I wanna ask her out so bad. And she has no idea. I can't just bring it up, otherwise I'd be like Freddie was when he had a crush on her. He said that once you're in friend zone, you're stuck there. And it fucking SUCKS!

She's so beautiful... She's so perfect. And I'm not. She would never like me. She would never like me. I kept repeating. But, Freddie said she might. That she likes guys my type. But, I refuse to believe him. Because when it comes to asking out girls as pretty as Carly, you always have to think the negative. Avoid the positive. If you think the worst, then you won't be as broken-hearted when they reject you.

I mean, me and Freddie have a lot in common. When we were kids, we always had a crush on a pretty girl, but they would never feel the same. Because we were weak. And scrawny. And nerdy? I don't know. But I only wish that me and Freddie were friends when we were kids. When we could've used the watching of our backs.

We still need it. Freddie has my back, I have his. We're best friends. But, at the same token, it's different now. We aren't little kids anymore. He loves Sam, I like Carly.

While me and Carly were talking and hanging out on the couch, Spencer suddenly jumped out of his room. "GUYS!" He yelled. Me and Carly jumped up.

"What?" We yelled back. Spencer looked worried though. Almost like he'd seen a ghost.

"Freddie's in the hospital!" We both just stood there. It's weird how at one minute things can be so peaceful, and then turn straight into a disaster. Life had it's ways, I guess.

"Why?" Carly choked out. I still couldn't speak. My best friend was in the hospital. It took more than a minute to process.

"He had a head on collision with a car. On his way to Sam's."

_Here is a plea  
>From my heart to you<br>Nobody knows me  
>As well as you do<br>You know how hard it is for me  
>To shake the disease<br>That takes hold of my tongue  
>In situations like these <em>

**Cliff hanger! I'm sorry to leave ya guys hanging, but I wanna give you guys this much so you won't have nothing :(. I'll start writing the next chapter right away! Promise!**

**Love it? Hate it? Review it!**


	4. Behind the Wheel

**Sorry for the wait! I got writer's block, but I'm fine now :P. And my grandma visited, so I got side tracked. But here ya go! This should be a lot longer than usual.**

-Sam-

I shoved my mom out of my doorway. And, without thinking, I ran straight for the front door. I swore to myself that I would keep myself locked up in here forever, but with the news I just got my mind went dead. And my body stopped listening to it.

Freddie was in the emergency room. Freddie was in the emergency room. Freddie was in the emergency room. No matter how many times I repeated those words in my head, it never seemed to process fully. It was something out of the blue. And something I would have never expected at a time like this.

I was literally sprinting my way to the hospital. I felt hot water spill to my chin, and saw a few people stare as I ran my way through the street. I didn't care. They shouldn't care. They have no idea what I've gone through the last 8 days. And now, Freddie's in the hospital to count. God had something against me. He had something against all the Pucketts in existence. And it pissed me off more than anything.

I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault. He crashed on his way here. So, let's face it, it probably WAS my fault. And, I wanted to see him. I didn't care if I pledged not too. But, how could I possibly talk to him after doing this to him? Would he even want to see me after this? If I never ran out of Bushwell that night, this probably would've never happened. To either of us. And, maybe, just maybe... If I stopped drinking my week away in bed long enough to give him a call, this wouldn't have happened. Damn it! This is my fault!

And, suddenly, I felt afraid. Why should I even bother going to see him if he probably doesn't even want to see me anymore? Am I fucking stupid? I stopped running, and stood long enough to turn my brain back on. Why should I even go? Carly, Brad, Spencer, and Gibby are probably there too. And after the week of disappearance, how am I possibly going to face everyone?

Even if my brain disagreed with my heart's wishes, I pushed forward as I saw the hospital in distance. I saw ambulances rushing forward to the front of the hospital, one after another. And, I thought about it. Freddie got dropped off by one not long ago either. There are a lot of people in Seattle that get hurt or die everyday, and it makes me sad. Angry, even. I couldn't help but not feel angry at the world for doing this to people. And now Freddie's one of them. I swear, as soon as I find out who the other driver was...

I stopped in my tracks at the front of the hospital. I saw the doors, but I hesitated to go inside. I don't have to go inside, I thought. I could make a run for it. And nobody would ever know that I was even here. I've already caused them enough trouble. So why should I cause more? If I ran away, they'd never see me again. And I could screw up my own life instead of theirs. But, I opened the door anyway. No, I am not going to be like her! I'm not going to turn into my mother! I battled with myself.

I didn't care anymore. I walked up to the front desk with my new ambition. The nurse looked up at me. "Can I help you?" She asked.

"I'm here for Fredward Benson." I told her as I put my hands on the front of the desk. I watched as she scanned the computer screen.

"And how do you know him?" I wanted to say I was his girlfriend. So bad. I never wanted to break up. But, at this rate, we'd never get back together.

"He's... a friend." She nodded and began reading off of her computer.

"He's with doctors right now in an emergency room. You'll have to wait until he's transferred out." I looked down to the ground. Just hearing a nurse tell me that, made me even sadder. And at that moment, I swore to myself that no one was ever going to get hurt because of me again. Never again! Especially not the people closest to me.

"How long do you think it'll be?" I asked her. She looked back up to me.

"I would think about three or so hours. You can have a seat in the waiting room over there, and I'll have somebody let you know when you can see him." I nodded.

"Thank you." I told her as I faced towards the waiting room. Ugh... I'd have to sit in here for hours. And it's usually longer than they tell you it is. Three hours would equal six. And those six hours would feel like six days. And with the nub in there, I'm pretty sure my brain would make it feel like six years. There's so much I wanted to say to him. So much I wanted to apologize for. And, as I sat on a chair in the waiting room, I got to even more thinking. I couldn't believe how much I've changed since I've met him. Freddie, Carly, Spencer, Brad, and even Gibby have changed me. When I was little, I always thought I'd be alone. But they proved me wrong.

And even with me making Freddie's life hell everyday with my childish pranks and fights I'd start, he still put up with me. He even challenged me at some points. And Carly was there for me every night I'd come crying after my mom and dad had a fight, or he hit me or Mel. Even while other people were around, and I had my brick walls up, she was there. But she knew things other people didn't. That Freddie didn't even know. Spencer is like the big brother I never had. He's crazy enough to accept me for who I am. The tough girl, who is really weak inside. I would never admit it out loud, though. To anybody. But, who knows? That could very well change after everything else I've done that I've said I wouldn't do. And Brad was newest friend, but he was almost like a brother too. The whole thing about me loving him during the lock down was a little crazy though. Gibby... I don't know about that kid. He's just Gibby. He was always just Gibby. And I guess he always will be. I didn't know how they put up with my on a daily basis. Any of them. If I was them, I would've kicked me outta their lives years ago.

I tapped my fingers against the wood of the chair, and hoped I wouldn't run into my friends just yet. I needed time to think before I ran into them. I had to think.

-Carly-

Me, Brad, and Spencer were in the hospital. In a hallway. Just waiting for Freddie to be okay to visit. I hoped Sam was here too.

I haven't seen her in 8 days. And, when you haven't seen your best friend for that long, you start to get easily irritated, angered, and anxious. Freddie told me the whole story. About her running out of Bushwell after they mutually broke up. After hearing me yelling some sense into Spencer and his "babysitter" girlfriend. Who I hated. But anyway, it made me feel like the entire thing was my fault. And it was. No matter what anybody thinks, or will try to tell me. They overheard me, and broke up after that because they thought I was talking about them. Which I wasn't! But darn it! It was all my fault!

Brad was the only person who could calm me down the whole week. With Sam gone, and Freddie distracted by it, he was the only friend I could turn to. I mean, there was Gibby, but he was with Tasha most of the week so really I couldn't talk to him. But, it's weird... I mean, Brad can calm me down so easy. Like nobody else can. I don't know what's going on. He's my friend, but I feel like I like him more than that. I don't know if he feels the same though. If he did, I would assume he would ask me out.

I looked over at my big brother and Brad. They weren't talking. Just thinking. Like I was. Our friend was in the ER. So, what else were we supposed to do? I felt my pear phone vibrate in my pocket, and I looked to see who it was. But I was shocked to see the name. Sam texted me! She hasn't texted me or texted back at all these past week. I was mad, but happier than I have been lately! I read the text. _Meet me at the front desk._

Without telling Brad or Spencer goodbye, I left. I felt them raise their eyes to me, but they didn't speak or shout out. Just stared. And all I knew was that my best friend wanted to meet me. So it's not like they could've stopped me anyway.

I got to the front desk, and looked around. And I saw that familiar blonde headed girl I hadn't seen in what felt like forever. She looked at me. I looked at her. I know most people would think it'd be awkward seeing each other after she just disappeared and ran out of Bushwell 8 days ago, but I was to happy to feel awkward. I ran up to Sam and gave her the tightest hug I've given her in years. "WHERE WERE YOU?" I yelled at her as I shook her by the shoulders. Her eyes went wide with shock.

"In my house." She blinked at me. I felt myself boil with rage. She was in her house this whole time, and didn't bother to tell me?

"Why didn't you tell me! I could've visited you know!" I told her. She looked down to the ground.

"I was afraid that you would tell Freddie. And I didn't want him to visit." She sighed.

"Well it's a little late for that. Freddie crashed on his way to YOUR house, because he was tired of being ignored!" I explained what she probably already knew. But I saw her eyes get watery.

"I know, Carls... I know. I'm sorry. You don't even know..." She said she tried to blink back her tears. I sighed and pulled her back into a hug.

"Sam, is this because of that?" I asked her. She didn't answer. But she nodded. "You know I'm always here, right?" She nodded against my shoulder again. I hugged her tighter. I used to do this every time her parents fought, or her dad got drunk, or her dad hit her or her sister. Every time something happened to her. What else are friends for, though? I was happy to cheer her up. I was happy to be there. I felt tears fall on my shoulder.

"Sam, don't cry." I hugged her even tighter. I hoped I wasn't hurting her, I just wanted her to know she was safe with anything around me. She's like my sister. And I wanted her to know that.

She raised her head and wiped her tears away. "As soon as I heard that Freddie crashed, I ran all the way here. I wanted to apologize so bad..." She trailed off, but started again. "But what if he doesn't wanna see me? This is my fault, after all..."

"But you know Freddie! He isn't the kind of guy who wouldn't want to see you Sam. He was pretty determined to get to your house, and I'd say he's still pretty determined to talk to you. To him, it really doesn't matter if he got hit my a car, or hit by that taco truck! If he wants to do something, he will do it!" I told her. I really hoped some of this was getting through to my confused friend. She looked away.

"Maybe... You think?" She asked me. I nodded. "Maybe we still have a chance after all." She stated. I smiled at her.

"There you go. So come on Sam, smile. There is still a chance." I saw her look up at me. "You said so yourself." I added. And, for the first time since I saw her last, I saw her familiar smile reach across her face. Our eyes locked as we smiled at each other. That is, until Brad came rushing into the room.

"Carly-" He yelled out until he saw Sam. Then he stopped and stared. Just like I did.

"Sam!" He smiled and leaped into the air with joy as he came running to give her a hug, and she hugged him back. Muttering a hey or a hi against his shoulder. And then, Sam explained why she stayed locked up in her house to him.

"Oh... Well, are you okay?" He asked. She nodded.

"I just really wanna see Freddie, so I can apologize." She admitted. Brad chuckled while I smiled at her.

"Yeah, and we wanna see him too. So, calm down." Brad said. Sam looked at Brad, and then at me.

"So... are you guys like, together now, or what?" Brad blushed, which I thought was cute. But I was probably blushing my head off too.

"NO!" We both yelled out, earning stares from other people. Her eyes widened.

"Sheesh, okay, okay! Don't get so sensitive about it..." She trailed off. She grinned, and turned around. "Barly." She whispered. Brad turned into a tomato! She turned around. "Or is it Crad? I kinda like Crad better." She smirked. Okay! That's enough!

"Sam, we are NOT together!" Brad turned his head and looked a little sad. This boy, I swear...

The three of us walked to the waiting room to see a sitting Spencer. Sam and Spencer hugged, and she told him her story, just like she told Brad. And, after that, we were just waiting for the okay to see Freddie.

-Freddie-

_I walked to my Volvo in the parking lot. And, as I was pulling out, I was starting to get even more anxious. I wanted to see her. I needed to see her. And, if it meant that I had to drive over there to get her and force her to talk to me, I would do it. I would do anything just to hear her voice again. To see her face again. _

_I never wanted to break up. And, by the way she's acting, I take it she never wanted to either. So, in a way, that night was mutual. It was mutual that we were both lying about wanting to break up. It was mutual that we didn't want to break up. _

_I knew I shouldn't be doing it, but I'm speeding. I had no idea in my mind why I was, because even if I didn't I would still get there. I mean, speeding would get me there faster, sure. But I WOULD get there. The most it would take is 10 minutes. I heard horns blowing to me as I sped past people and passed people. And, I was taking it in anyway. I didn't care what they thought. There isn't a minute I could waste._

_But, Something was wrong. My motor got louder, and my car got faster. Without me making it do it. And, in just seconds, my car was spinning out of control. I tried to steer to the side of the street, but it went the opposite way. I was on the wrong side of the road now. I panicked, and tried to hit the breaks. But they wouldn't work. It was like the car had a mind of it's own. And, I saw lights rushing towards me and a horn blowing at me. It was getting closer, and closer, and closer until I finally felt my face against something soft, but hard at impact. I felt the glass shatter, and I felt my mind go numb with fear. I felt pain at places, and numbness in others. I could feel my eyes close on me, while my mind refused to work. And, everything went black. My ears refused to work, and I was in nothingness. I blacked out._

"BREATHE!" I heard a doctor yell. My mind started working again. I was breathing like he yelled to do so. My heart was beating. I looked around to see the doctors smiling, and praying thanks under their breath. I leaned up slightly, until a doctor stopped me.

"Take it easy, son. It took six minutes to bring you back. So, just take it easy." He said slowly. I nodded.

"What... happened?" I choked out. He sighed.

"You had a head on collision with a pick up truck. The ambulances came to pick you and the other driver up, and you were both driven here. You've been in this emergency room for about an hour now. Your heart's stopped four times since you've been in here. But we gave you some meds, and we brought you back when needed. So you're okay now. Just take it easy. You've stabilized. And to keep it that way, just take it easy." He said and repeated. I laid back.

I was visiting Sam. I wonder if she's even here... Would she really come out of hiding to see me?

_Oh little girl  
>There are times when I feel<br>I rather not be  
>The one behind the wheel<em>

_Come  
>Pull my strings<br>Watch me move  
>I do anything <em>

**Okay! How was that? Review to tell me ;3! I'll write the next chapter, and update as soon as I can!**


	5. Policy of Truth

**Well! Thanks for the reviews! SEDDIE-TALK ALERT!**

-Brad-

When I was a kid, I always thought that the world was something special. That it was a magical place where your dreams always came true. But, as I got older, I started to see just how much bullshit that childish theory really was. The world's a terrible place. It's cruel to it's animals, short lived to it's humans, and corrupt as hell. But, I guess everybody starts thinking that sooner or later, right? We all have to grow up sooner or later, because we all know that we can't live in our fantasies our whole lives.

Me, Carly, Sam, and Spencer were here. In the hospital. Just waiting for our friend Freddie to be able to visit. And I really hoped he was okay. The dude is my best friend, after all. I'd never admit it to anybody, especially not to the girls, but as soon as Spencer told me and Carly about this, I felt like crying. Me and Freddie had gotten really close over the time we'd met each other. We'd go to the gym, hang out in the Pear store, and shop on Sky store for crazy shit. Sometimes we even went to the Groovy Smoothie just to hang out with T-Bo. But, we go there with the girls too, so we can't really classify it as 'our' hang out. The girls always went to Build-a-Bra, and we always wanted to go with them. For obvious reasons. Which you should know.

All of us were really nervous, and just waiting. Thinking of the possibilities. What if the doctor came out here, and told us that Freddie could never walk again? What if Freddie got all scared up? What if Freddie lost too much blood? What if Freddie broke both of his arms, and would need to be fed, and cared for for however many weeks? And, there's always the possibility we all feared the most. What if he died? I shook my head. No. There was NO way that Freddie could die. Not a chance in hell. Not a chance in heaven. Hell, not a chance on Earth!

Carly looked over at me. "Brad, are you okay?" She looked at me curiously. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied. I wasn't fine. And, she probably wasn't either. But, for the sake of the matter, we both dropped it. My best friend was in the ER, and I wanted to ask her out, but didn't know how. Freddie told me to just do it. But I can't. I have a problem with asking girls out. I always have. I get really, really, nervous, and can't even get a sentence out. And it looks really bad to girls. I always got turned down. I've been told that my only good quality was my fudge making and my hair. Of course, my friends urged that it wasn't true. But I knew it was. I mean, seriously. What else do I do?

I saw Carly look at me. There was something about her her eyes that really got to me. There was something about them that really hypnotized me. I don't mean to sound sappy here, but it was like I was swimming in an ocean of dark chocolate. And I loved it. I smiled at her, keeping all these secrets in my head.

Carly looked over at Sam, who was pacing around the room. She walked up to her and gave her a silent hug. Sam hugged her back, wrapping her arms around her back. They broke away, and stared at each other for a moment. I saw sadness in Sam's eyes, and concern in Carly's. Sam nodded, trying to show Carly that she was okay. But we all knew better. Carly grabbed her hand and pulled her over to the chairs where me and Spencer were.

It's been two hours now. What's taking so long?

-Freddie-

I was laying down on a hospital bed. With the usual white pillow, and the usual white sheets and blankets. Did I mention that I hate the color white? I don't know if it's a color or not, but I still hate it. There were a bunch of doctors in my room, talking, whispering and observing. I tried to sit up, but it was no good. I just felt my muscles tense up and tell me _lay the fuck back down, Benson!_ So, I did.

I don't know how long it's been. I counted every hurtful breathe I took, and that was the only way I could tell that I was alive. I was wincing at the pain, even though the doctors convinced me that I was on meds. I didn't believe them. Weren't the meds supposed to numb the pain? It wasn't working very well. I tried so hard to stay awake, even if it was extremely painful. I didn't know how much more I could take before going unconscious again. The thought that Sam might be here, to see me, seemed to make it bearable. I just want to hear her voice again. It's all I needed.

As soon as I get a hold of myself, I'm gonna apologize, beg her for another chance, and kiss her sweet lips again. I needed it like crazy. It's all I'll ever need. I just need to focus on staying awake. I'm afraid that if I close my eyes again, I might not come back this time. So I held it together. At least I tried, anyway. And I was doing it for her.

A new doctor walked in the room, and all the others walked out. "Mr. Benson, 'seems like you really lucked out here..." I didn't respond. I couldn't, it fucking hurt!

"Yeah, it's better if you don't talk. It's better if you try to avoid strain of any kind. It'll take a bit to recover from this." I stared at him. My whole body was numb, but at the same time I felt pain. What if something's broken? Agh!

-Sam-_  
><em>

I was staring at the ground, trying not to look at the clock. I heard the ticks. It was all I needed to count the time. Every second felt like a minute. And every hour felt like ten. There was a lot I regretted in my life, but my biggest regret was now the night I ran out of Bushwell. If I never did it, this would've never happened to Freddie. And I'll never forgive myself.

"Visitors for Fredward Benson?" A doctor's head said in the crack of a door. Me, Carly, Brad, and Spencer all got up. I finally decided to take a quick glance at the clock. Four hours. Not as much as I was expecting. But, there's a lot more I'm expecting Freddie to break to me. That he's probably better off without me, and that I was hateful and hurtful to him, or something along those lines. It's true, though. He is probably better off without me. At this point, I didn't care what he ends up saying to me, I just wanted to let him know how sorry I am...

Carly slid her hand in mine and squeezed. It made me feel better knowing my best friend was at my side. That she was there for me. We finally stopped outside of Freddie's room. The doctor held the handle, but didn't open it.

"One visitor at a time." He reminded us. Carly, Brad, and Spencer all looked at me.

"Maybe you should go first, Sam." Spencer told me. I shook my head.

"No way! One of you go first, I'm going last!" I slid down to the floor with my back against the wall.

"Sam..." Brad began to say. I hugged my knees.

"Please. I need time to think about what I'm going to say." I said, with my face buried against my knees.

"Okay... I guess I'll go first then." Carly said, sliding inside the room. Brad and Spencer sat on the ground beside me, and the doctor walked down the hall.

"Why are so scared, Sam? It's not like you've ever been scared of Freddie before." Brad asked me.

"I'm not scared," I started to say, "I'm just nervous." I corrected.

Spencer nudged my shoulder. "Don't be! It's not like Freddie's a monster that would gobble your face up after you say hi!" I laughed. Darn you, Spencer!

Brad smiled at me. "Yeah. So maybe you should go second."

"Nah, you guys can go before me." I insisted. Spencer and Brad chuckled.

It's been 8 days since I've even seen him. And this might be the last time. It hurt me so much that this was all my fault, but the risk of him being upset with me was too much to take. What if he never wanted to see me again? I can't take it! I wanted to run away.

I froze. Since when do I run away? Since when do ANY Pucketts run away? Well... besides my dad. Why am I so nervous? What if something good happens? Like he isn't mad at me? There was a 99% chance that he would be though... And it got to me.

I don't know how much time passed, but Carly came out of the room with tears running down her face. Me, Brad, and Spencer stood up.

"What's wrong, Carls?" I asked her. She shook her head.

"Freddie's bruised all over, and he lost a lot of blood. And apparently, his heart stopped four times. It's kind of scary to think that he's technically almost died four times..." Carly said with her voice cracking. Brad and Spencer sighed. It made me wanna cry. Hearing her say that, that is. This was my fault. And I'm going to face the consequences.

I barged in the room, hearing Brad stutter out my name in surprise. Freddie was hooked up to one of those heart machine doo-hickeys, and was on the bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked over, and when he saw me his eyes widened.

"S-sam...?" He stuttered. I looked him up and down. And Carly wasn't kidding. I can't believe he got hurt because of me.

"Freddie..." I said his name while walking closer. He winced in pain. I tried to hide my concern, still worried that he was mad at me.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." I let out. I tried to blink back my tears, but they fell down anyway. "This is all my fault. If I never ran out Bushwell that night, this would've never happened. And maybe if I picked up the phone and talked to you this would've never happened. I should've gone to school, but I was scared. I don't know why I felt that way when I did. I hid in my room all week, and I don't even know why!" I cried out. I sat down beside his bed and held his hand.

"I'm so sorry..." I repeated. He blinked at me, bug-eyed.

"S-sam..." He stuttered my name again. "It's not your fault." I looked at him.

"What do you mean it's not my fault! You're in the fucking hospital because you were on the way to MY house! Of course it's my fault!" I yelled at him. He closed his eyes tight and opened them again. I knew he was thinking, but it didn't matter.

"Don't be mad." He told me simply. I could feel myself calm down. The nub was really good at doing that.

"Aren't you mad at me?" I asked him, getting closer to his face.

He let out a chuckle of pain. "I was never mad at you. I was just concerned for you. I just wanna know why you ran away from me that night."

I took in a deep breath. Was I ready to tell Freddie about my dad? I didn't think I was. But, if that's what he wanted, then I'll do it.

"Look... when we broke up at midnight, outside your apartment, something just went off in my head. I felt a feeling that I haven't felt since my dad left. I felt betrayal for some strange reason. It was mutual, but something in me just told me to run. It kinda told me to be angry. It's hard to explain..." I let out.

"Well, I'll try to keep up." Freddie told me. I laughed.

"Look, only Carly knows this, but my dad abused me. And not only me, but he abused Mel, and mom too. He hit mom in front of us, he always showed up late to dinner drunk, and he even made mom have sex with him in front of us. It was just hell Freddie... I tried to keep myself together, but I couldn't. I'm lucky I had Carly there, otherwise, I don't know if I'd be here or not..." I breathed in.

"Sam... I'm sorry." He told me. I smiled. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I let my feelings get the best of me. Ever heard that from me? No. This new for me. I had to build up walls so nobody would hurt my feelings. Because if I got hit, I didn't want my feelings to get hit too. You, Carly, Brad, and Spencer are really the only people I've ever let in... And it's uncharted territory for me. Keep that in mind." He nodded. Maybe he was getting tired. Maybe I should leave?

"I'll leave, if you want to rest. You probably need to rest anyway." I said, getting up.

"Wait!" Freddie begged me. "Please don't go."

I turned around and sat back down. "Don't you know why I drove to your house?" He brought up. I shook my head.

"Because I love you. I don't want to loose you. I just... needed to see you again. I needed to hear your voice. I needed to feel your touch." My eyes widened. He loved me? Still? After all I've done to him?

"You... still love me?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Always."

"But, why? After all I've done to you..." I trailed off, shaking my head. I don't get it. How?

He chuckled. "I love you because you're you. I thought I've told you that before..." He grinned. "You're my blonde headed demon." I laughed.

I picked up his and held it in mine. "I still love you too. You'll always be mama's nub." He smiled. I smiled back at him.

"Why did we break up?" He asked. I shook my head.

"No idea."

"Wanna get back together?" He asked me. I arched an eyebrow.

"What about..." I began, but he interrupted me.

"So what. Who cares what they think. We love each other, and we have each other. That's all that matters." He told me. I grinned. That was the Freddie I really remembered.

"Hmm... Okay. But you're taking me out as soon as you get better, Benson!" He laughed.

"Fair enough."

I thought he'd bring something else up, but he didn't. So we both just sat there(or laid there, for a certain person), and looked at each other.

"Lips?" Freddie smiled.

"Thought you'd never ask." I smirked as I leaned in to lock my lips with his. I rested one hand on the side of his pillow, and the other on his slightly bruised cheek. I tried not to be rough, even if I really, desperately, wanted to be. But, it didn't take 10 seconds for him to wince out in pain. I opened my eyes and sat up.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. He nodded.

"Yeah. Well... O-okay... No." I ran my hand through his hair.

"You should rest, baby." I reminded him. He sighed.

"Fine. But as soon as I get out of this hospital, I swear I'll-" I interrupted him.

"Yeah, yeah. You just get better, Benson. Mama's gonna go and get a snack." I smiled, and he smiled back.

"Yeah, I saw that coming." He smiled as he went back to sleep.

I stood up and walked out the door. I couldn't believe what just happened. Freddie still loved me. He still wanted to be with me. We were back together. Funny how fast things can change...

Brad went in next. I took Carly with me to the icky lunch room. I didn't care. I was hungry.

"So! What happened? Talk!" Carly said, shaking my shoulders. I looked at her wide eyed. Where should I start?

"I told him about my dad. And he told me he was coming to my house because he loved me. And that he still loved me. And that he wanted to be with me..." Her eyes widened with excitement as she jumped up and down.

"Sam! I told you! This is great! So what did you say? You said yes right? Right?"

"Yes!" And, for the 6th time today, me and my best friend gave each other our hugs.

It was really amazing how fast things in this world seemed to happen, and could happen.

_You'll see your problems multiplied  
>If you continually decide<br>To faithfully pursue  
>The policy of truth <em>

**I'll update as soon as possible! Review please!**


	6. Useless

**This is gonna be a mostly Brad centric chapter! Since well, he kinda disappeared on the TV show, I figured I'd let you guys get to know him a little better. Well, my "version" of him, I guess. I'm improvising on a lot of things when it comes to this guy, but that is the fun of it. I think him and Carly would make an awesome couple, honestly. I don't know if it's Barly, or Crad. O_o But I kinda like Crad better. So that's what I'm gonna use. And, kudos to those who can find the reference of that from Sam in Chapter 4! I'm probably going to reference it a lot more, as well! So, yeah! I think I'm even gonna add a flashback in this one. Enjoy ;)!**

-Brad-

"Dude, just ask her." My best friend struggled to say, as he laid in his hospital bed, and me sitting beside him.

"I can't! You know how hard it is for me to ask girls out! Come on man! Give me better advice!" I tried not to yell. He let out a painful sounding sigh.

"If you won't, then I'll tell her." I froze. What did he just say?

"Huh? You'll..." I paused, and continued. "You wouldn't..."

He smiled weakly. "Oh, I would."

Oh, great! This was just what I needed! Hint at the sarcasm, there. "Dude..."

His smile turned victorious as he realized he got me. And he did. He did! He had me on an unbreakable hook now! If he told her first, it was game over for me. Because, we all know girls like relationships, not hook ups. And if she doesn't like me back, that could really hurt our friendship. Not to mention the show. What was he thinking?

"Look at me." He told me simply. I did.

"Just. Fucking. Do. It." He said slowly. I gulped. I knew I had to now. But how?

He smiled. "Look, you're gonna have to get over it, man. Grow some balls." I clenched my fists, about to hit him. That was, until I noticed he was in a hospital bed. I forgot!

I sighed. "You're lucky you're in the hospital. As soon as you get out, I'm kicking your ass for that."

He laughed. "Hey, I'd love to see you try." He smiled.

I got up and left not too long after that. I worked my way down the hallway, hoping to see my friends again.

_I walked into the main hall of Ridgeway. Not more than a week ago, I wanted to be the intern for iCarly. I even went up to sign up for it, but apparently this guy named Cort got the job. I wasn't actually all THAT upset over it. I figured, hey, maybe he had something that I don't. And I catch myself thinking about that a lot. A lot of people have things that I don't. But I really don't care. People even remind me what I have isn't enough. And I still don't care._

_But, when I saw her for the first time, my whole view of the interview changed. It was hard for me to take my eyes off of her. So, I thought to myself: Well, okay, maybe she's more than attractive. Big deal. But she was nice, too. I guess that's when it all started._

_When I started to attend Ridgeway, I ended up seeing her everyday. And, I even had 3 classes with her. History, Math, and English. I sat behind her in history, I sat next to her in math, and I sat in front of her in English. Just my luck, right?_

_My locker wasn't that far from hers. So I thought maybe I should talk to her. I should get over my problem. So I did. But it didn't turn out the way I wanted it to turn out. I walked up to her, while she was busy putting stuff in her locker._

_"Hey." I greeted her. She twirled around and smiled at me._

_"Oh, hey Brad! How's it going?" She asked me._

_"Not bad, you?" I rested my backpack on the ground. _

_"Good." She said, as she closed her locker._

_"So.. umm.." Her eyes shifted on mine, getting a little wide. Only a little, though. It's like she knows what I'm going to ask her. But, she probably knows when a guy wants to ask her out, just because she gets asked out a lot. She's very pretty. I wouldn't doubt it. But, it makes me a little jealous._

_"...Yeah?" She broke the silence for me._

_"Are you... umm..." I managed out. God damn it! I can't do this! She just kept looking at me wanting me to finish so she can reject me like she rejects everyone else! This is too much pressure!_

_So, I thought up an excuse, fast. "Are you going to science next period?" I sighed out, disappointed at myself._

_She shook her head. "Nope. I have French next period. Why?" I shifted at the word why._

_"Umm.. no reason. I was just curious." I shrugged. _

_"Oh, okay." She stated then turned around. But she turned back to me quickly._

_"So, are you and Freddie like, friends or something?" We were. As soon as we knew that we had all we had in common, we really hit it off. I mentally laughed at the saying hit it off. We liked technology, we both edited with Cutting Room Flo, and unlike other nerds, we exercised whenever the need raised. And we had a similar problem. We both liked girls who had no idea that they liked us back. "Yeah, you could say that. We hang out a bit." She nodded._

_When I asked Freddie if he liked Carly, he said it was a cover up for who he really liked. So I asked him who that was, and he didn't say the name, just described her. He described her as vicious, always hungry for ham, violent, argumentative with him, and uncontrollable. I nodded and gave him the simple: "Well, good luck with that." While patting his shoulder._

_"Hey, do you wanna hang out later?" She asked me with a smile. I smiled back._

_"Me?" I asked her dumbly._

_"Well, you are the only person I'm talking to and have been talking to..." She trailed off. I nodded._

_"Sure. Tonight?" I asked her._

_"Tonight." She confirmed._

_We both walked off to our next classes. Her to French, and me to TV Production. I really liked TV production, drama, web design, journalism, along with other things. That's something me and Freddie had in common too. Although, he wasn't really into Drama that much. I didn't have it this semester, but I want it next. Sam has it now. And, she was really good at it. Who knew? She is a co-star to a web show, after all._

_I had TV production with Freddie. Not only that, but Web Design, and Science too. Sam was in our Science class, too, though, so she always paired up with Freddie to get right answers. Go figure._

_And, we all had Algebra together. 1st period. 1st thing. I hate it._

_While Mr. Rayson was talking Freddie slipped a note to my desk. We sat right next to each other, so it really wasn't hard. We were in the back too. I read the note._

_"I know you like Carly." It said. I looked at him and he smirked and nodded. I decided to wait after class to talk to him about this. So, I did. And as soon as the bell rang, we were out the door when I interrogated him._

_"How do you know?" I asked him. He sighed. _

_"Well, first off, you asked me if I liked her the other day. Secondly, it's completely obvious. Every time she walks near you, you start to sweat, and you stutter words out. And thirdly, I saw you talking to her in the hall today." He smiled as he explained his observations. I sighed and shrugged. _

_"Okay. You got me. I like her. You gonna sue me or something?" He shook his head._

_"No." I breathed out relief. Wait. Would he really sue me? I laughed mentally. What am I thinking these days?_

_"Then..." I trailed off. He interrupted me._

_"I'm going to help you." _

_And, ever since then, Freddie's been trying to motivate me to make a move. Then, there was the Lock-in. I could've pulled something there that night, but the whole 'Sam kissed Freddie' thing surprised us all. That couldn't have been helped. And, that night, I realized that the girl Freddie was talking about was her. I could've used my brain a little more, I admit. The following month, we've all become awesome friends. I've been their new intern, along with everything else. And, I'm in Carly's friend zone. Which isn't good. But whatever._

I opened the waiting room door to see Carly and Sam jumping around with excitement. I widened my eyes, confused. "Umm.. What's going on here?" I asked curiously. They stopped jumping to look at me.

"Freddie asked Sam out! Again!" Carly said, running up to me. It surprised me so much that she knocked me over on the ground. And, when that happened, something else happened. To me, anyway. I had Carly on TOP of me. Meaning her boobs were pressed against my chest, her legs wrapped around my legs...

I could feel myself blushing unintentionally. I tried my hardest to cover it up as soon as she looked at me with those brown eyes. I could see her blushing too. It felt like I should've kissed her. It really did. But Sam ruined the moment in the empty waiting room.

"Whoa! It's getting hot in here!" She said, flailing her arms around as she sat down. Carly got off of me and I just laid there.

"Sam..." She trailed off. I sighed, and sat up.

"I'm just sayin'..." She shrugged. I smiled as I stood up. It finally looked like Sam was herself again. We were all together again. Well, ignoring the fact that we were in a hospital because Freddie crashed on his way to her house. But even still. I sneaked a peek to Carly as we sat down. To my surprise, she looked at me with a look that said: "I know you want me." I crossed my leg in a hope to hide what I really couldn't deny was popping up.

I mentally sighed. How I was going to get through this year, I didn't know.

-Carly-

After I caught Brad looking at me, I dragged Sam to a random closet and shut the door. She looked really confused, but I couldn't blame her. I was confused too. I didn't know what to do, and I needed help. And help was what I was going to get.

"What did you drag me here for?" She asked me curiously. I sighed.

"I think Brad likes me. He keeps sneaking looks at me. And he was blushing like crazy when I tackled him..." I explained and trailed. My best friend held her back to the wall.

"Do you like him back?" She asked me. I thought for a minute.

"I don't know. I'm really confused. I mean, we're friends, we've been friends, but there's something there that I really can't describe. It's not like I love him, it's not like he's my friend... I don't know." I said, pressing a hand against the wall beside me.

"So you like him then..." She trailed off and smirked. I arched an eyebrow.

"What? Why are you assuming?" I slightly yelled at her. But, she only laughed.

"That's basically the longer way of saying: Yeah, I like him."

I sighed. "Okay. Fine. But what do I do?" She made her thinking face and then gave an answer.

"Ask him if he likes you." I froze. That would only cause trouble!

"No! What if he really doesn't want to go out with me?" I asked her.

"Didn't you say you think he likes you?" She said with her hand against her forehead.

I nodded.

"Then do it. There's like a 95% chance that he does."

I thought about it. "Did you ever ask Freddie if he liked you?" She sighed.

"Come on Shay, you know me and him were a different case. You and Brad aren't. As far as WE know, you two are perfectly normal." I laughed at the normal part. It was funny, because neither of them were completely normal. Not one bit. But, really, are any of us really 'normal'?

I looked at the ground. "Carls, really. Just say it. It's just four words." I met her gaze.

"I'm serious." She reminded me as we walked out the door. I knew she was. But I couldn't bring myself to even think about it. I was the one who said iCarly was about the comedy, not the relationships. What if we do date, and something goes wrong? Then we'd all get mad at each other.

What if this hurts iCarly?

_All my useless advice  
>All my hanging around<br>All your cutting down to size  
>All my bringing you down<br>_

**Dun dun dun ;O! So, I know this isn't as long as the last chapter, but this chapter was just to show the development of Crad, mostly. I promise, the Seddie will come back next chapter! ;P**

**Tell me what you think! Review 3**


	7. Home

**More Crad Development! Mwahaha ;3! I'm REALLY sorry that I haven't updated in 10 days, but I had to take exams and study so I was kept pretty busy. Not to mention that I've been busy all weekend. But, I should be back into a rhythm now. Oh, and we're in a Crad arc. Which should only last about 2 more chapters. But there **_**WILL**_** be a **_**VERY **_**BIG**** Seddie moment next chapter. I'll promise that much to you. And by VERY BIG, I mean VERY BIG. Take a guess ;D? Anyway, I'm sorry I did that to you guys. Just wanted to let you guys have that to think about ;).**

**Sorry for the long A/N. Enjoy ;).**

-Freddie-

Things never turn out how I want them too. I was driving to her house hoping that I could talk to her, or force her to talk, and I end up crashing into another car. I don't even know who the other guy is... But as soon as I find out, I need to apologize. But, ironically, the person I was driving crazily to get to, showed up at the hospital to talk to ME. So, in a way everything worked out fine.

And, I'm talking about that girl. The girl with those blonde curls, those brown eyes, and those to die for curves. Every aspect of her was pure heaven on earth. Even if she was trying to make my life hell. But even heaven, hell, and earth can't contain her. She is her own perspective. She is her own world. And that world is something I fell deeply, madly, and unconditionally in love with. Mind my sappiness. Everything about her was beautiful to me. She isn't afraid to be herself.

It's been two weeks now, so the docs finally let me go home. They say I've been recovering at an unusual fast pace, so I guess that's good. Or does that mean I'm not normal? Oh well. It's good, so whatever. Really they were only gonna keep me for a week, but my mom made me them keep me for a week extra because 'I needed it'. She's insane. I feel fine now. But my doctor said I shouldn't do too much, too avoid any strain, or what not.

I was looking out the window, with my arm around my beautiful girlfriend's shoulder, in the backseat of Spencer's car. Not more than 10 minutes later, we parked in the parking lot and opened our car doors. Spencer and Sam helped me out of the car. Not that I _really _needed it, though.

It didn't hurt much to walk, so I think I'm fine. Sam helped me stand though. I was fine, but she had her hands on me, so at that point in time, I really didn't care. We entered Bushwell to hear Lewbert's screams and rants, and headed up the stairs to the elevator.

I said goodbye to Spencer and Carly, while me and Sam walked into my apartment. I grinned. "It's a good thing my mom isn't here..." Sam looked up at me as she helped me to my room and into my bed. I laid down on my back.

"Well, then it looks like it's just you and me for awhile then, nub." Sam smiled as she dove onto my bed right beside me. I staggered.

"Sam..." I said out loud. She looked up at me.

"Yeah, baby?" She asked with a mischievous grin. I could feel myself blush a little bit.

"What-" She interrupted me with placement of her finger on my lips.

"Shh. Just lay down. You need to get better." She reminded me, resting her head against my shoulder.

I relaxed. "You're being awfully nice today." I told her. She smirked.

"Quit being such a nub and just be happy about it. I'm doing this for you, you know..." She trailed off as her smile turned into a frown. I scratched my head.

"Right. Sorry."

We laid there, silent for what felt like hours. I played with her hair as she slightly rubbed my chest. I snuck a look at the clock to see only 15 minutes have passed. I looked down at her, to see her hair fallen against my shoulder. I watched her as she blinked her eyes back and forth, breathing in and out against me.

"You're so beautiful." I muttered out. That wasn't really supposed to come out, but since it did, I'll stick with it. I meant it anyway. She looked up at me.

"Really?" She asked me, surprised. Sigh. Don't be stupid, Sam. You're the most gorgeous thing I've laid eyes on.

"Really really." I confirmed, pulled her even more closer to me with a hug. Even if it hurt a little bit. Which I would've never told her.

I sighed. "Sam?"

"Yeah?" She responded without even looking up at me.

"You wanna go out?" I grinned.

"OW!" I yelped, gripping onto my chest. "Why'd you hit me?" I asked her.

"Because you're supposed to be getting better, nub. And going out will only make you worse." She said as she started rubbing the place she hit me in. I winced.

"See? You still hurt. And you lie about it." I sighed.

"But you hit me!" I defended. She shook her head.

"Yeah, after you lied to me by not saying anything." She argued, sitting up.

I frowned. "It's not lying unless I deliberately said I was okay. Which I never did. I just didn't say anything." I lowered my voice, trying to stop this little argument we navigated into.

"Well, if you were smart, you would have TOLD me, instead of NOT telling me!" She yelled at me as she got off of the bed. I sighed angrily.

"Sam, come on... Don't leave." I begged her as she was about to open my door.

"Why? So you can keep pretending that you're okay?" I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. She took the opportunity.

"The only reason you're hurt is because of me. The only reason you had to go to the hospital was because of me. The only reason you're in here lying on your bed in pain, is because of ME! Don't you get it, Freddie? This is my fault!" She angrily explained. I was left speechless.

"Nothing to say? I knew it. It really is my fault." She stormed out.

"Sam! No! Come back!" I sat up and reached my arm to the door as it slammed against the frames, knowing it wouldn't helped. That I was wasting my energy. I sighed, leaning my head back against my pillow. What was her problem? Why does she think it's her fault? I was the one driving, after all. She's making such a big deal out of this... It's not like I haven't been hit by a car before. Well, that was a taco truck. And I was saving Carly's life. But, even still. It's still a moving vehicle. Sigh. I can't understand her. What's she thinking?

Well, at least I'm home.

-Brad-

It's been two weeks, and I still haven't been able to make my move. And, I'm well aware of my situation now. As soon as Freddie gets better, he's going to tell Carly. I was panicking like crazy about that. What if that's what it comes down too?

Carly's been acting different around me, though. I can't really describe it, but something about her reactions, her questions, and her answers just seem suspicious to me. Even the look of her eyes look different. She's definitely hiding something from me.

I sat down on Carly's ice cream sandwich chair, fingers flocking together for my thinking position.

"Brad?" I looked up at the call of my name.

"Carly Shay." I smiled to the beautiful girl standing in front of me.

She smiled back. "What are you doing here?"

I'm here for you, Carly. My mind told me to say. I shook it off. "Spencer let me in. I wanted to see you."

She perked up. "Why?"

Why? Oh I wasn't expecting that one...

"Brad? Is something wrong?" She said, half concerned, half suspicious.

"Uh, no. I just came here to get outta the house. Hope that's okay." She relaxed. So did I. At least on the outside.

"Oh, that's fine. So what's up?" She asked me, sitting down on the pink couch next to me.

"Nothing." I shook my head.

"You don't look like nothing's going through your head." She grinned. I laughed.

"Oh really?" I asked her. She laughed after me.

"Yeah, I can tell." She stated. We were just joking around. We do that a lot. But, little did she know, I actually had a lot on my mind. I actually had her on my mind. What if she liked me back? What if all this worry goes to waste? All this time I've spent thinking about it, I could've made a move. But what if she doesn't? Then, our friendship would be ruined. Or it just wouldn't be the same again. Ugh! Why is this so hard? Freddie makes it sound easier than it actually is. But, then again, he's asked her out, told her he loved her, and chased after her from 6th to 9th grade. So, I guess he would know a little bit. Of course, now I know he's really only liked Sam all along. That was just his childish way of disguising it. He definitely fooled the iCarly viewers, I'll give him that much. I mentally sighed. As the hours passed, I thought harder and harder. I watched as the sun went down. I decided to leave not long after it did. I lived a floor down anyway, so it didn't matter.

On my way to the elevator, I bumped into a blonde headed girl. "Hey, are you-" It was Sam. Probably coming here to visit either Carly or Freddie.

"Are you okay?" I asked her, helping her up.

"I guess." She shrugged it off.

"What's up?" I asked her. She sighed.

"Freddie thinks he can take on the world again. I'm getting sick of it. I was just going over to Carly's." I nodded. That's all I could do. I was about to turn around and talk some sense into Freddie, though.

"I was just over there." I told her. She looked up at me with a curious smile.

"What?" I asked her. She looked around, and pulled me into the elevator. As soon as we moved, she stopped it. I was confused. Really, really confused. Why did Sam Puckett drag me into an elevator without explanation? And why did she stop the elevator? God, this is like one of those horror movies... They lure you, then they trap you. And next thing you know they...

"AHHH!" I shrieked as I felt Sam's hand on my shoulder. She flinched back.

"Dude, what the fuck?" She said, backing up against the wall. "Why'd you scream!" She questioned me. I backed up to the other wall, looking directly at her.

"Umm.. I watched The Crazies last night. Please don't ask more questions." She nodded.

"Sissy." She muttered under her breathe. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't have understood her. But I had a good feeling that she said that.

"Come on! Why'd you bring me down here, in all seriousness?" She looked to the ground of the elevator. And took a deep breathe.

"I know what's going on. Between you and Carly, I mean." I could feel my heart stop. I froze in place, not blinking, not moving, just barely standing.

"Look, you don't have to explain it to me. And I don't really care. In fact, I'm kinda happy about it..." She trailed off.

"Really?" I asked her dumbly.

"Sure. Just don't hurt her. Because I swear to god if you do... I'll get the butter sock on you!" She threatened me. I nodded. But wait. How did she know?

"How do you know?" I asked her. She laughed.

"I know a lot of things, Brad. It's literally in the air every time you guys are in the same room. Everyone knows you like her. Even Carly knows." I froze again. WHAT?

"Damn it! I told Freddie not to tell her!" I stomped my foot hard against the ground, punching the elevator wall. Sam looked at me with a confused look.

"Dude, what are you talking about? Freddie did what?" She questioned.

"Freddie told me if I didn't tell her how I felt about her soon, he'll tell her..." I trailed off. She nodded.

"Oh, then he never did that. But Carly got the idea that you liked her. And she's gotta trust her instincts..." I breathed out in relief.

"So why haven't you told her?" She asked me. I sighed.

"I don't know. It's just... really hard for me to let a girl know how I feel. I guess I'm just that kind of guy." She nodded. Sam's being oddly and surprisingly more understanding than I thought she'd be. No wonder she's Carly's best friend.

"Look, if I tell you something do you promise not to tell?" A secret? She's gonna tell me a secret? Well, I nodded. It's the smart thing to do, I guess.

"She likes you too." I froze for the third time today.

"WHAT? OH MY GOD! YES!" I jumped up and down screaming. Sam was wearing bug eyes on her face, waiting for me to finish.

"...Sorry." I apologized. She laughed.

I couldn't believe it. There's just no way this is really happening! So if I really did, ask her out, this means she would say yes! I don't think I've been this happy for years!

Sam moved to start the elevator back up. We moved back down to Carly and Freddie's floor. As we were walking out, I turned around to face her.

"Thanks." She looked at me.

"What for?" I laughed.

"For giving me hope." She smiled.

"No problem."

We both walked up to Carly and Freddie's apartment doors. Sam tried opening the door, but it was locked. "When does Carly or Spencer EVER lock their door? Seriously?" I shook my head. She barged in anyway though.

"Carly!" She called out, while looking around. I stepped and joined her.

"Carls!" We both yelled. "Spencer?" We called out.

Sam shrugged. "Guess they aren't home. Oh well." She walked away and waved over her head. "I'm going home. See ya Bradley." I waved back, even if she couldn't see it. I left too. I had a lot to think about, and I doubt I could do it on this floor, knowing what goes on here.

-Carly-

"I knew he liked me." I told a sitting up Freddie. I came to visit. And to get answers. Which is exactly what I got.

"Yeah. But don't let him know that you know yet. Alright?" I nodded. Probably wouldn't be smart either. I mean, I like Brad and everything, but he hasn't told me that he liked me. Then again, I never told him either. So I guess that makes us even.

"So Brad has no idea what I think about him?" I asked my slightly injured friend. He nodded.

"No, not yet. That's why he's been so nervous around you. He wants you to like him." I smiled shyly.

"And I do."

_And I thank you for bringing me here  
>For showing me home<br>For singing these tears  
>Finally I've found that I belong here <em>

**There you have it! ;). Did ya like it? Review!**


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